At least he walked away with the box...

It was particularly warm February. 

I was living in St. George, Utah. I was "dating" Anthony.  

I use the term dating loosely here because I was going to break things off with him.

Anthony was on leave and decided that on his way back up to Salt Lake he wanted to stop by for a visit.  He said he wanted to take me on our first official date. 

So Friday night rolled around and I was sitting on my couch waiting for Anthony to get there. He was over 2 hours late. I kept getting texts from him all day about how he couldn't wait to get there, he had a surprise for me.  I was nervous out of my mind, I had dumped him before but never in person (I'm a flake). 

So finally he gets there, looking really good in a nice shirt and tie (he knows I'm a sucker for a guy in a good tie!) He says he wants to take a walk, a walk to his truck that is. 

We get in and we're sitting there making small talk. After about an hour of talking he puts on some music. 

I start to ask him questions about what he expects out of the relationship, he says he has every intention of marrying me and taking me to the temple "someday".  

So what do I do? I start letting him down. 

He gets all frustrated saying he didn't want this to happen until the next morning.  Uhh... What?! 

At this point he's acting like he's all upset. He changes the song. 

This is where things get weird. 

He turns on a certain song. The song I remember my sister hating, the song she made me hate. 

He gets weird and finally says "well do you want to see it?".

Let me back up here. For Christmas he gave me a gorgeous blue diamond necklace. When I got it he said it came with a shiny counter part....

So when he says those 7 words my stomach dropped. I knew exactly what "It" is. 

I ask if I have a choice.  He says no and reaches behind the seat. 

He pulls out a plastic sack (this kid's got tact!). 

He digs in the bag and finally pulls out the ugliest fake rose I've ever seen.

He says "You can have it on one condition, I keep the box." "Uhhhh ok?". 

And he gives me the rose box with the ring.

All the while Steven Tyler is screaming the lyrics to possibly one of the creepiest songs (he has it on repeat). 

He goes over some garbage of how he loves me and no matter where life takes us he'll always love me and 

yadda yadda yadda. 

He makes me put it on. It's disgusting. It's too big for my finger but he makes me keep it on while he's there.

I insist that he keep the ring, I didn't want anything to remind me of him.  He wouldn't take it back saying it was made for me. 

Finally I say goodnight and go inside. 

I find his phone in our kitchen. Big mistake bud! 

Me, being a typical girl, went through his text messages.

He had texts to another girl about how he's single again and looking so hook him up with someone hot when he gets back. 

Yeah, they were a week old. 

In the morning I say my final good bye. 

I think I made it clear I didn't want to see him again, 

I hope his face still stings. 

And that's my almost engagement story.

p.s. Is anyone looking to buy an ugly diamond ring and necklace?!

Caution: Dating this man may cause the following...

Giddiness, falling in love, mad karaoke skills, random texting, staying up all night, the giggles, tickle fighting, howling at the moon, tree climbing, the ability to run really fast, break dancing, feats of skill, magic tricks, practical joking, juggling, water balloon throwing, piano playing, calling your Mom, graffiti painting, burping, belching, poor table manners, playing hooky, playing hockey, giving hickeys, getting the hiccups, the ability to speak pig Latin, social networking, building birdhouses, random acts of whimsy, canoodling (of the late night sort), singing in the shower, pet grooming, video gaming, cheating at those same games, the desire to sky dive, yodeling, heckling, beat boxing, rapping, gift-giving, walking backwards, 80's movie watching, crazy hairdo styling, blogging, couch-surfing, cake-baking, bootie-shaking, roller-skating, class-taking, mind reading, haiku writing, crossword puzzling, skipping, jumping really high, line dancing, spitball shooting, euphoria, not taking things too seriously, an appreciation for British comedy, French films, Italian cursing, Chinese checkers, double Dutch rope skipping, tree fort building, nut cracking, tie-dying, star-gazing, tomfoolery, hi jinks, madcap antics, alternative reasoning, coloring outside the lines, raising the roof, being wild, rocking all night long, waking the neighbors, rhyming, going barefoot, swinging really high, food fighting, taxidermy, writing letters to the editor, silliness, goofiness, unruliness, happiness, speaking in funny accents, horseplay, monkey business, reckless skateboarding, bicycle stunts, antics, stage diving, squirt gun toting, skipping stones, skipping class, skipping trips to the dentist, defying authority, questioning everything, cartoon watching, home-movie making, skywriting, mountaineering, flag waving, doing the wave, doing the Macarana, messy eating, bubble-blowing, trick-or-treating, nap taking, bow tie wearing, mud wrestling, four-wheeling, doing donuts, flying by the seat of your pants, making it up as you go, excellent public speaking skills, sneaky sneaking, showing off, double-dipping, puppy love, bunk bed-sleeping, campfire building, hammock swinging, beach walking, pizza making, messing around, procrastination, exhilaration, navigation, inspiration, love letter writing, the desire to become a secret admirer, flower sending, partying, being nice to your enemies, bubble-bath taking, horror movie marathons, throwing caution to the wind, risk taking, underdog rooting, eating dessert before dinner, touch-football playing, time travel, picture booth photography, playing footsie, jitteryness, bouncing, hand holding, face making, weird hair coloring, mismatched socks, pumpkin carving, hooliganism, spunkyness, and having a better time than most other people.

Yeah... where do I find this man?